I have a husband, we have been together for ten years and I have two little daughters. My husband hasn’t slept with me for about a year, I probably didn’t satisfy him enough. It was always like that 5-minute sex so that it wasn’t over. Like he has a complete aversion to sex, what could that be? In addition, about a month ago I caught him watching porn at night and masturbating while doing so. I saw him like this more than once and then I exploded and there was an argument. He promised he wouldn’t do it again, but a week ago I found downloaded porn videos on his laptop. Plus, they were all father-daughter themed, which freaked me out. I began to fear leaving my daughters alone with him. How should I solve this? (Alena, 41 years old)
Alena, the reluctance to have sex can have a number of causes, some of which are common to both sexes (illness, fatigue, stress, difficulties in relationships), others concern more women (difficulties with achieving orgasm, reduced vaginal lubrication, premenstrual tension, breastfeeding, contraception, etc. ), in men, for example, difficulties with erection are hidden behind the dislike of thick meat. However, if the husband fulfills his sexual desire in a different way (for example, by masturbating on porn sites), it is most likely a problem concerning both of you. It will probably be necessary to try to discuss it together, to express your own dissatisfaction and, as a last resort, to consider whether to stay in such a relationship. In addition, the topic is at least strange – all the more reason to visit one of the therapists together, preferably a sexologist or couples therapist.