The star of the series Friends, the American-Canadian actor Matthew Perry, who died at the end of October, published a book less than a year ago called Friends, Love and the Big Trouble. In it, he confessed his lifelong problems very openly. From some passages, considering what happened to him, he literally freezes.
“My name is Matthew, but you may know me by another name. My friends call me Matty. And I should be dead. If you want, you can consider what you are about to read as a message from the grave, from my grave.” With these words he began his narration. As he admitted, he spent half his life in rehab facilities.
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“That’s cool when you’re twenty-four, but a little less cool when you’re forty-two. And I was forty-nine at the time and still desperately trying to fight my addiction. By this time I knew more about drug addiction and alcoholism than any of the therapists and most of the doctors I met in all the facilities. But such self-knowledge is of no use to you. If the road to eternal sobriety could be green-lit through hard work and knowledge, I would have nothing left of that horror but an unpleasant faded memory. I became a professional patient just to stay alive,” the actor recounted.
He dreaded being alone on the couch in front of the TV
At the end of his life, loneliness weighed heavily on him. “At forty-nine, I was still afraid of being alone. If I’m left alone, my crazy brain (crazy only in this area) will find some excuse to do the unthinkable, drink and take drugs. Considering the decades of life I’ve ruined by doing just that, the thought of doing it again scares me. I’m not afraid to speak in public in front of twenty thousand people, but leave me alone on the couch in front of the TV at night and I get scared. I am afraid of my own mind, afraid of my own thoughts, afraid that my own brain will whisper to me to reach for the medicine, as it has done so many times before. My brain is trying to kill me and I know it,” Matthew Perry shared.
He clung to the idea that something “out there” could distract him. But then he realized that he already had everything there was to be had in life. “I’m dating Julia Roberts. So what, you have to drink. I just bought my dream house, it overlooks the whole city! I can’t enjoy it without a dealer. I’m making a million dollars a week – pimp huh? Would you like something to drink? But of course he did, thank you very much. I had it all,” the actor wrote in his memoirs. But none of this made him happy. “None of those things helped me at all,” he admitted.
If he hadn’t been drinking, he would have jumped off a bridge in his twenties
At the same time, he stated that he would not change anything in his life in retrospect. “If I had it all to do over again, would I have auditioned for Friends? Write down that he went. Would I drink again? Write down that he drank. Without alcohol to calm my frayed nerves and help me have fun, I would have jumped off a bridge sometime in my twenties. My grandfather, the great Alton L. Perry, grew up with an alcoholic father, and it affected him so much that he never drank a single drop in his life, not once in all the wonderful ninety years he lived. I’m not my grandfather,” Matthew recounted.
Matthew Perry was found dead in a hot tub at his mansion where he was believed to have drowned: