I still panic. I’ve never had a shortage of girls, but one thing prevents me from having an intimate relationship

I still panic. I’ve never had a shortage of girls, but one thing prevents me from having an intimate relationship – Lifee.cz

Everyone who knows my story at least a little says there was a mistake somewhere. Maybe yes. However, I am not sure if my life can be called a mistake. I’m a freak, I’ve never slept with a girl. Although it is not an ideal state, I cannot be classified as asexual because of it, rather the opposite. I belong to a group of people who have higher expectations from others than just a relationship for a few months.

The lifestyle of my peers means nothing to me

I’ve always liked girls. What about that. I just never understood the lifestyle of my generation. I’m over thirty, I’m not old, but I grew up in a stable family. The parents got married in their twenties and their marriage still works today. But the bonds of “for life” have rung their bells in our generation, and now I fear insecurity. I couldn’t stand a girl who would only be with me for a test. I’d rather get a picture of a tomato and dream…

Classmates, especially those from college, dated ostosix. Once Tomáš had Kamila, another time Jan Petr, then again Bár Tomáš. It all kept changing. When I sometimes asked why, the boys mostly answered that they enjoy playing games like this. They just meet someone, go on a date, then come to bed and finally break up. No science. But I saw science in it. Dating just for fun was a thing that never concerned me.

The first girl was only with me for selfish reasons

Finding a girl who would want to live with me and ideally stay with me was like catching up with the mythical unicorn over time. My first “friend” Hanka, for example, talked me into it for selfish reasons, when I paid school fees for her in an emergency, which, as a person from a poor background, she didn’t always have.

Although she promised to return it to me, I waited like a gentleman. I was glad to be able to do a good deed. But then when I saw her kissing in the corridor with another person, the end of hopes came. Honestly, at that point I didn’t care that I didn’t have her in my bed. I have my principles and I wouldn’t waste my time with a girl who isn’t serious.

I discouraged the other girl with thoughts of marriage

After Hanka came Dita, a colleague from work. After transitioning to work, I promised myself more reason and responsibility from women. Moreover, in a relationship with a woman who was two years older. We understood each other. Sometimes they went to the cinema, to lunch… There was even a kiss. Nevertheless, nothing happened here either.

When I once started thinking out loud that we could get married and have children, Dita got so scared that she left my life almost from hour to hour. She said I was too fast for her and my thinking reminded her more of a woman, which surprised her so much that she backed away. Her idea is to live in a trial partnership and think about marriage or children later. If ever…

I admire the generation of our parents and grandmothers

And so I was left alone. Some say that at least for that feeling I should go into a “one night” relationship, but I don’t want to. It’s not my style and I honestly couldn’t do something like that. I shouldn’t have a relationship with a woman I have no feelings for. I wouldn’t know how to start a “trial” household. And so I still admire the generation of ours and their parents…

Those young grooms and brides who had to get married weren’t much either, but on the other hand, at least they were unions that, with some exceptions, remained permanent and it was possible to lean on them. Millennials don’t know that. You move in with someone and then you are afraid that a breakup will come and that person will throw you out. Maybe I’ll panic to death with such an attitude, but at least I’ll live my life in safety.