Childbirth and sexuality – Seznam Medium

Sexuality during childbirth may sound like an oxymoron to us. For us, motherhood is often at the opposite pole of passion and love. Overall, a woman-mother and, on the other hand, a woman-lover we often perceive very separatelypossibly as completely incompatible.

The connection between pregnancy and sexuality is but very logical. Not only does the process itself begin with sexual connection, but pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding affect the same hormones, primarily oxytocin, which is related to our sexuality, orgasms, but also our ability to empathize, sympathize and experience intimacy. But what does this mean in practice?

The very beginning of pregnancy is difficult for many women. Some are tired, others suffer from severe nausea, others may have a high-risk pregnancy and fear that sexual activities could be potentially dangerous for them. In the first trimester it can therefore happen that sexuality in the sense of penetrative sex will disappear from our partnership.

But that’s totally fine. Sexual experiences can be very diverse and pregnancy provides an amazing opportunity to explore these other forms more deeply such as loving touches, massages, hugging, caressing, breathing exercises… But we can also just be next to each other and enjoy each other’s presence.

Second trimester it tends to be physically much easier for most women. So it often provides an opportunity to calmly return to what we are used to. If the sexuality is loving and we both want it from the heart, it usually would she should not have endangered the baby in any way. However, it is always good to dispel any doubts by consulting a doctor or midwife.

In the third trimester a slightly different situation arises again. The woman is bigger, heavier, so the couple may need to find new positions and experiment a little while making love. It tends to be in this direction great support humor. If this period is not physically easy for a woman, here again there is room for exploring new things and expanding horizons. Penetration is not the only form of experiencing partner intimacy.

You may have noticed a recent debate between Olga Richter and a certain representative of a certain government body who mentioned that “doulas force women to want a natural birth and want to start it by having ungodly health workers stimulate their clitoris.” There is probably no need to comment on the absurdity and misguidedness of this statement. However eroticabut not from a doctor or official, may include childbirth.

If both of you and your partner feel this way, it may be appropriate to support the birth with erotic touches, stroking, kissing, or even penetrative sex before the amniotic fluid breaks. After all, semen contains the substance prostaglandin, which can supposedly support the beginning of labor. However, hormones play a major role here. For example oxytocin is key in childbirth. Therefore, it is precisely through the feelings of love, trust and intimacy that I can multiply its production in the body, thus naturally “tuning” my body for an easy and beautiful birth.

During the first period of labor, the cervix stretches to the baby’s head to about ten centimeters, or “how many centimeters you are open”. So it’s about expanding and opening up. And what does a woman need to be able to fully open up in the most intimate place? He needs to feel safe, trusted, supported. In principle, a simple formula applies. Breastfeeding, childbirth and conception are best carried out under the same conditions, which we need for good love.

Unfortunately, not all medical facilities have these conditions available, so if I give birth there, it is up to me to get my she arranged the delivery area herself. So I can bring my own blankets, pillows and other essentials for physical comfort. And last but not least, to have someone next to me who will also contribute to my good feeling.

The necessary feeling of safety and intimacy I don’t necessarily have to create only with the father of the child, but also, for example, with a doula, a community midwife or another person whom I trust and who I know will support me. Furthermore, it is important that the touch of the given person is pleasant to me and at the same time that it is someone I am not ashamed of.

When I’m trying to look “something” and I’m afraid that something indecent will happen, I have contradiction and withdrawal in me, which can hinder the birth process. American midwife Ina May Gaskin summed it up beautifully:“Don’t take anyone to the birth who you wouldn’t take with you to the bathroom.”

The decision to have a birth partner or not depends a lot on the individual situation. If we are thinking about getting a divorce, a partner is probably not the best source of security for me. If we have the opposite a harmonious and functional relationship, then probably yes. At the same time, we both need to be sure that we want it this way.

When the partner is already participating in the birth, he needs to know what to do. If he is lost and does not know what to do and how to relieve the woman and the baby, it is a very difficult position for him and for the mother. They are very beneficial in this regard prenatal courses, documents, books. Specifically, a man can bring a woman everything she needs – food, drink, warm socks, also verbally support her, appreciate her for how brave she is, tell her how much he loves her, caress her, hug her…

During childbirth, a woman should be ideally in the primary brain, where our basic drives are stored, including the birth of offspring. Therefore, it is good not to stimulate the neocortex, in which, among other things, the speech center resides and which, on the other hand, is very rational. So I recommend asking questions that can only be answered with a yes or no, or just by nodding or shaking your head.

Theoretically, it is biologically possible for a woman she had an orgasm during childbirth, because he has a high level of hormones in his body that are related to this experience. At the same time, I don’t think it’s good to aim for an orgasmic birth. Today, we are already too focused on orgasm in sexuality. It would be a shame to burden yourself with the birth.

So yes, when it does happen, it’s a wonderful and very intense way to deeply experience the union of sexuality and birth. At the same time, however, it is abundantly sufficient to have a beautiful, simple and pleasant birth, in short, such that it happens empowering experiencewhich I will like to remember.

It’s definitely a good idea to wait until the body has healed after giving birth to have penetrative sex. This time is very individual and depends a lot on how the birth went. Anyway, she’s good on her own in that regard do not create any pressure and the partner should take the same approach. We should approach the sexual connection a little later than before. If the partner pushes for sex, it usually starts to creak in the relationship, and the fight will drag on even more.

After that, when the intimate intercourse finally happens, it is good to approach it like if it was the first time. A woman does not know at all how her body will react, if she will like the same things as before, if it will not hurt her. Therefore, it is necessary to respectfully examine what changes have occurred and how they will affect our sex life.

It may happen that a completely new level and our sex life opens up with childbirth it can be significantly better. However, it is always necessary to link back to physical sexuality so that a woman feels respected in the fact that her body has undergone a huge transformation and therefore deserves a great deal of consideration, gentleness and care, and of course not only in the area of ​​sexuality.

We already know that sexuality is connected with childbirth. However, these two areas are also influenced on a much wider scale, on two levels. The first is that it has sexual history affects the course of childbirth.

The moment I have traumatic experiences in themselves, such as sexual abuse, it may happen that these things come back to me in some form at birth. It is then necessary to treat your triggers. So, for example, if I know that someone was behind me during the abuse, it’s nice to have a wall behind me during labor, which gives me a sense of greater security.

The second level is that my birth experience will be project into my next sex life. So if I perceive my birth as beautiful and empowering, then the influence will be positive. When a woman remembers her birth as something that was close to abuse, her sex life is most likely to be severely affected.

I consider the idea that motherhood and sexuality are not compatible to be a myth. I recommend that each of us see how it is has in this direction herself. Whether the woman-mother represents a nurturing symbol for her, which is completely asexual, or whether she is willing to admit that even a mother can experience passion and desire and that it is precisely from this passion that children are born in her.