When, after fifteen years of marriage, I found out that I didn’t really have much in common with Aleš (40), I was surprised. I guess in the carousel of work and taking care of the family, I didn’t have time to perceive that maybe we weren’t meant for each other.
I married for love and quickly
I was in love with Aleš from the beginning. I only had eyes for him and he had the same. Today I know that it was a mistake to get married after a year of relationship. We should have lived together first and found out if it was just some infatuation or the love of a lifetime.
But we didn’t listen to any such advice back then. We got married and less than a year after the wedding Mikuláš was born, who is now a fourteen-year-old teenager. I don’t even know when it happened. At one point I’m holding a little bundle of happiness in my hands, suddenly there’s a boy taller than me choosing high school.
We agreed on alternating care
Maybe it will sound strange, but it seems to me that only recently I have slowed down and started to be more aware of something other than taking care of my son and work. I realized that Aleš and I no longer spend time as partners. We only exchange a few words, nothing much happens in the bedroom. All that passion, making love anywhere and anytime, that’s long gone. I know this happens in virtually every relationship over time, but it still bothers me.
Once Mikuláš spent the night with a friend with whom he plays games, Aleš and I had a nice evening. But not with making love, we were just agreeing on which movie to watch. That was the last straw. I told him how I felt about our relationship. And he said with relief that he felt the same way. That’s when we finally had a proper talk.
We dealt with it for a number of weeks before we came to the conclusion that maybe a divorce would be better. Aleš and I don’t live properly and we just worry. Mikuláš is old enough to understand, so we don’t have to be together just because of him. And so we brought him into our discussions. He seemed to understand. A lot of his friends have divorced parents, so he knows how it goes. I dropped a stone from the heart. We agreed on alternating care and I felt like I could finally breathe…
Son refuses alternate care
But the feeling of well-being did not last long. After about a month of alternating care, Mikuláš did not show up at my place, even though we had agreed. Instead, Aleš called me to say that our son refuses to leave the room. He doesn’t like having to move between mom and dad. He likes his original room and doesn’t want to leave.
Aleš talked to him, but Mikuláš did not listen. So I followed them, but with the same result. Santa is stubborn and said he wants to stay with dad. Should I live alone and visit my son only? It broke my heart to see him sitting in his room refusing to come with me. But I couldn’t push him, that would only make things worse.
I preferred to make an excuse that I had to arrange something. I left so Santa wouldn’t see me cry. Ales understood and followed me. He hugged me while still on the stairs and we stood there for a while before it passed. I felt good in his arms. I know he still likes me. But there is no longer what I expected from marriage. And now, in my own way, I also came to have a son. Looks like I’m in for a very tough time…
The text was prepared based on a true story, the photo is for illustration only. Do you have a similar experience? Trust us with your story, write to [email protected].
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