My Grandma vs. Gates’ frog: Conspiracy hell at a family reunion

My Grandma vs. Gates’ frog: Conspiracy hell at a family reunion
My Grandma vs. Gates’ frog: Conspiracy hell at a family reunion

Once upon a time there was a Bill who had a poisonous frog settle on his window, so he made an agreement with her to kill the planet together. But since Bill wasn’t very smart, he marked all the poisoned foods with a picture of his frog friend so he wouldn’t forget which ones they were. The “stupid sheep” believed that the frog was protecting the world, but luckily a group of magicians from the College of Life appeared and revealed the secret of the evil Bill.

No, this is not an annotation to a fairy tale, but a real idea of ​​some individuals. We live in a world where everyone has a space to express themselves and gain thousands of followers in no time. Plus, the bigger the bullshit, the bigger the viewership. The phenomenon of poisonous foods caught up with me as well, when my own frog began to convince me of it. I mean, grandma. This is driving me crazy.

Satan’s Rainforest Alliance

If you’re still one of the lucky ones who have no idea what it’s all about, let me enlighten you. This is a conspiracy theory, in layman’s terms nonsense, regarding the Rainforest Alliance, a non-governmental non-profit organization whose aim is to support sustainable development in agriculture, especially in third world countries. Food that meets strict criteria will be awarded a certificate with its logo, which you will find on the product packaging. These are mainly products such as coffee, chocolate, tea, nuts, coconut oil, etc. So if you see a cute frog in a circle with the name of the organization, you can be sure that the crop was not grown using dangerous chemicals, watercourses or natural vegetation , at the same time the workers also had suitable conditions and were properly paid for their work.

But then a few self-proclaimed experts from the Department of Conspiracy Occultism of the University of Life appeared, who began to claim that products marked with a frog are poisonous, genetically modified, contain insects and aim to make the entire planet die of cancer within a few years. And Bill Gates is behind it all.

It should be noted that these theories have of course been refuted scientifically and by common sense, and if you are interested in more, I definitely recommend the video of the Czech journalist Jan Tuna.

All the best and watch out for the frogs!

And now for my story. The poisonous frog, who is an agent of Bill Gates and whose task is to plunder humanity with the help of “organic” food, first jumped on me at a family gathering at my aunt’s house. Since our planet is not flat and revolves around the sun, I always have a birthday at the same time once a year, so my grandmother decided to make me happy by buying me a package of chocolate candies.

However, when she was giving them to me, she blurted out: “All the best, and don’t worry, there’s no frog in it!” At the time, I had absolutely no idea what it was all about. I just looked surprised and said: “What frog?” But at that moment my aunt leaned into it. “Jesus, do you believe that too?” she slapped her forehead. And I still didn’t understand why.

“Well, that’s nonsense again,” my aunt explained to me, “they think that frogs are poisonous.” “And why should there be a frog in it?” I answered her in surprise. I know that frogs’ legs are snorting in France, but in the Czech Republic I have not yet experienced these animals being added to something. And not chocolate at all.

My aunt then found the dreaded logo on the Internet and briefly explained what I wrote above. We also found the official website of the Rainforest Alliance. But the grandmother insisted. “You mustn’t eat frogs or you’ll get cancer. It has ground insects in it. They make GMO foods to kill us here.” But why food manufacturers would want to kill us didn’t make sense to me. So my grandmother began to explain to me that Bill Gates is financing the whole thing. When I asked where she got it, I learned that she had read it on “Facebook,” that there was a lot of true news that must not be talked about, and I should join in to uncover the secrets of how how this world works and what is coming to us. Auntie kept rolling her eyes and it went on like this for about ten minutes before an outside influence thankfully forced us to change the subject.

Gates is seriously (not) going for it

At home, I found out more information about the whole thing and everything started to make sense to me. The Rainforest Alliance was founded back in 1987, when the Windows operating system was in its infancy and “Wild Bill” could barely afford to stick out his horns. However, the Gates Foundation really supported the frog organization, in 2007, when it donated less than 5.5 million dollars. But that still doesn’t mean that the Rainforest Alliance promised them something in return, God forbid mass genocide.

I am a staunch pacifist, but if I happened to want to develop a weapon of mass destruction, I would certainly not label it in any way. Especially if I knew that there was a miraculous group of exotic women and men with doctorates in conspiracy detection who would enlighten the entire universe about all of this.

I’m not too fond of Bill Gates either, but accusing an innocent tree frog living in the rain forests of crimes against humanity is really beyond common sense. The Windows operating system, which all those anti-Illuminati fighters gleefully use despite their beliefs, didn’t kill anyone either. That is, except for my old hard drive.

Quack and you’ll get hit by a slag

Some time has passed since this meeting, but the grandmother still insists on her opinion. Just a snap, you get hit by a slag and the train doesn’t go through it. Well, me and my family have already gotten used to the fact that when we choose a gift for grandma, we have to check that there is no frog enemy on the packaging.

In her grandmother’s defense, it should be noted that she is new to social networks, and therefore she has not yet been able to properly understand how they work and be able to sort the information. But I’m sorry that he won’t get advice from us or at least won’t think about our words.

Well, now we just have to hope that Grandma doesn’t start believing in the Spaghetti Monster or claiming that the Earth is flat.


The article is in Czech

Tags: Grandma Gates frog Conspiracy hell family reunion


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