“I’m only myself now, in my forties!” the formerly married bisexual man enjoys

“I’m only myself now, in my forties!” the formerly married bisexual man enjoys
“I’m only myself now, in my forties!” the formerly married bisexual man enjoys

How long have you lived alone? You told me you were divorced. When was it?

That was eight years ago. I married the love of my life – at least that’s how I presented it and how I felt at the time. We have been married for almost six years and have two beautiful children together. Unfortunately, since the divorce, the princess has become a seven-headed sled and it is now difficult to see the children. The younger one is eleven years old and the older one is thirteen. They think they know everything, they are slowly entering puberty, but they are still partly impressionable children. Since they live with their mom, they see the world more through her eyes, so they see me as the villain, of course.

Why do they see you as a villain? What do you think your ex-wife told them?

Our divorce was one of the less dignified ones. Not much fun. She basically robbed me of everything and I didn’t want to argue about it, so I let it go. She got custody of the children and I had the opportunity to be with them every other weekend. But when you work, you’re only free on the weekend, and I wanted to experience something on the weekends too. On weekdays, I’m happy to fall into bed, so I can only see my friends on weekends, and so on. By canceling the weekend with the children several times, my ex interpreted it as meaning that I don’t want to take care of them anymore, and of course she presented this to the children properly.

I was left with nothing after the divorce. I borrowed for a lot of things, so I was behind on alimony here and there, but of course she again took it as some kind of approval from me. It’s a constant struggle.

So the children are afraid that their father forgets them? And isn’t that kind of true if somehow other entertainment took precedence more regularly?

I love my children, but I have a demanding life. I went through a dark period after my divorce. I was alone, even though I was still around people. I replaced a lot of women, often professional women. But honestly, picking up a girl at a bar isn’t really that hard, so it worked out just the same. I didn’t care. I was drowning.

Has this darkness led you down a path you regret?

I’d like to say yes, but no. I’ve tried drugs but I’m not an idi*t: Of course I’ve only tried some. With them, the party starts faster, the mind relaxes and people get to know each other better. For me it was a process of rebirth, meeting my own identity. It’s that familiar Freudian id that I pushed aside for a long time. I was afraid to give in to my desires and simply enjoy myself. I thought a lot, looking for reasons why I shouldn’t have something. Now I’m finally free.

So you came to a more open sexuality, or to the realization that you are bisexual?

It doesn’t matter if you meet a pretty girl or a pretty boy. Both people are beautiful and attractive, and when we close ourselves off from experience, we never really get to know each other. I only got the experience now. I regret all those years when my wife and I had sex once a week and I almost had to beg. This is completely wrong, it completely kills basic human needs and desires. It’s like forcing yourself to diet or interrupt your sleep all the time. Sexuality is natural and it is wrong to taboo it. Unfortunately, our society is not ready for such a dose of honesty. People live in lies. They watch videos, daydream, and then feel guilty and embarrassed when someone asks them to tell them what they wish for.

So you found yourself? Really?

Yes. Dress-ups, in particular, are something my wife absolutely refused, and yet it’s a great thing that can rekindle even a dead relationship. I’ll give you five reasons to give it a try.

1. In disguise you can experience any reality you have dreamed of.

2. In disguise, each person can look like someone else, have different characteristics and suddenly be much more attractive.

3. You yourself feel as if you have opened some secret side of yourself and you will learn much more about yourself than in stereotypical intercourse.

4. It is safe. I don’t understand the rejection of disguises as something extreme. Yes, they can be very expressive, but realistically: Who has ever died wearing a sexy duck costume, to say the least? Probably no one.

5. You can separate emotions. You’re not in it so much for yourself.

And is the fifth point always an advantage? Sex without intense emotions and some connection?

Sex is not the same as love. It should not be confused. And love as such is fleeting and takes many forms.

That doesn’t quite answer my question…

So to answer, I don’t think so. You can put emotion into it if you want, but the stereotype that sex is an expression of deep love and nothing else is akin to saying that sex is only for procreating children.

Do you have any advice for beginners in this area – that is, disguises -?

The main thing is to get rid of inhibitions. We get creativity from that. We would not live without creativity. The primitive man would not have even thought of building a nicer dwelling or creating a weapon if he had not been creative. In my opinion, being open to creativity is a sign of progress, so being open about sex is also a sign of maturity.

I don’t mean to suggest that you need to live as a couple – you can be happy being single – but I’m wondering if you have any plans to find a new, solid relationship?

I do not have. One nasty divorce was enough for me. I tried it and I never want it again. I want to live alone and I can arrange or fulfill what I need without limiting and bothering each other. I am finally myself.


The article is in Czech

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