Becoming a mother. Formerly a target, now a victim

Becoming a mother. Formerly a target, now a victim
Becoming a mother. Formerly a target, now a victim

Today’s moms feel that their mothers were impoverished, that they didn’t enjoy anything and only had to take care of the family. That they simply sacrificed and they don’t want to be the same, they want to take a break from children, because they feel that a child is not a ball at the foot. A child is a joy and so is caring for him. Or not?

Perhaps the difference is due to the fact that women used to give birth much earlier. Due to the fact that the possibilities were very limited, a large number of young women, rather girls, saw it as their goal and priority to create a family. They often threw themselves headlong into motherhood and marriage, if you walked past the windows with graduation plaques in the eighties of the last century, many photos of graduating women were decorated with wedding rings and pacifiers. He graduated at the age of 18 or 19. At that time, there was also an opinion among girls that anyone who was not married at the age of 23 was somehow strange. I’m not thinking about sexual orientation or gender classification now. At the time, nothing like that was being addressed. If the girl seemed strange to others, it was more likely that those around her thought that she could not attract any boy and was not capable of marriage. And because there was a trend of getting married early, university students also often got married, many times they graduated with children or did not even finish school due to motherhood. But marriage and motherhood were seen as a goal. Simply the highest goal and the fact that they had an order around a child and a man was something that simply belongs to life and they had just reached their goal. They had what they wanted. Wife and child. If they found a husband who was well-respected, had friends and interests in common, it was not a problem for these women to forget the pastimes spent with girlfriends or their hobbies. It is clear that there was more work than today, there were no disposable diapers, microwave ovens, kettles, robotic vacuum cleaners and many other conveniences of the modern age, but young wives did not deal with that. They had exactly what they wanted and were generally happy.

Today’s mothers deal with everything terribly, including raising children. This is mainly due to the fact that they no longer rush headlong into unions and motherhood. They have years at their disposal to think things through. To consider whether they want children at all, or how many children they want, which partner they can consider as a reliable father of their children, and understandably, in these years of intellectual maturation, they got used to a regime in which they had a lot of time for themselves. Your interests, hobbies, friends. After mature considerations, they then embarked on the role of mother, but what used to be a captive habit, those beautiful moments with friends, hours spent in the gym, or hobbies are suddenly limited by the child. And here comes the big decision. Being a full-time mother? Sacrifice a child? Give up on yourself? Or stand your ground and hold your standard in your smug world. In ten or fifteen years, everyone simply gets used to a certain stereotype, which is difficult to discount. Motherhood is no longer the goal of every eighteen-year-old girl. It is something that a woman thinks about carefully and takes motherhood as a job that must be taken responsibly. Either as a victim or as a rebel.

The victim type will be ruined by the fact that she is a mother who devotes everything to the child, is with him all the time, devotes himself to his upbringing, has everything studied, goes according to plan and does not recognize mothers who also want to be themselves. She believes that when she has already become a mother, it is necessary to give everything to motherhood, perhaps even her soul. These moms have it in such a way that they decided to motherhood and sacrificed everything around that they were used to. They feel their sacrifices, but they want to be the right mothers. They want to be a role model and are proud of themselves.

Rebel typey. She wants to be a mother, but she can’t imagine giving up her claims on her own life. She is used to him. She has been used to living her own way for many years, prioritizing herself, devoting herself to her interests and hobbies, trips and chatting with her friends. A child, yes, but above all to keep your own self. They don’t understand mothers who make sacrifices, they think that it shouldn’t be like that, that even mothers have the right to rest and respite.

But for none of these mothers motherhood is the desired goal, not one of them brings up the child completely according to their feelings, and at the same time, even with him, they are unable to live a completely comfortable and satisfied life, in which they themselves are naturally satisfied and happy, because they have reached their goal.

You can’t be mad at today’s moms. Times are different, they entered motherhood already as mature women who mostly lived their own way for many years. For some, motherhood becomes a sacrifice, and for others it is a struggle to defend their territory of former freedom. You can’t compare. Just to remind modern mothers, it should be emphasized that for their mothers, for the most part, taking care of them was completely natural, that they did not feel that they were getting away with something, that they were making sacrifices or that they should fight more to preserve their interests and hobbies, because for them it was mostly the priority of starting a family, which they took care of with joy.

The article is in Czech

Tags: mother target victim


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