First my life was controlled by my mother, now my partner is manipulating me. I’m tired of living like a puppet

First my life was controlled by my mother, now my partner is manipulating me. I’m tired of living like a puppet – Lifee.cz

The phone rang, but I didn’t pick it up. It was my mother trying to call me for the fifth time in one day. My friend Pavel (30) also called. To make matters worse, he sent me several text messages. I didn’t even bother to read them, I just deleted them. I’m not going to explain to him where I am and what I’m doing. I risked it and decided to cut myself off from the past. Otherwise they won’t give me a break. I know them all too well to have any doubts about that…

My mother always decided my fate

She controlled me and influenced all my decisions. She actually made a plan for me for the future. I was blind and probably not very smart to not see it for so long. Of course, as a child, I followed her instructions and it never occurred to me to disobey.

When I was 5 years old, my parents decided to divorce. I was completely devastated because I loved my father. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t live under the same roof with us anymore. I don’t remember how my mom tried to explain it to me, but I clearly remember that I quickly started to resent my dad.

I blamed him for leaving us. I didn’t want to see him or visit him. When he started living with a new woman, I told him that I would never like her and he had to choose – either me or her. All this because of my mother, who forced me to do it. I was 8 years old then, I was no longer a little child. After every weekend spent with my dad, I had to tell my mom in detail about everything I did and what he did.

She respected me against my dad

I was too young to hide anything, to know what I could talk about and what I should keep quiet about. However, the mother caught even the smallest details, which she managed to turn into a big scandal. She always hammered into my head that Dad was a total failure as a parent. She claimed that she wasn’t interested in me at all and that he didn’t care about me. For example, once I had a craving for ice cream, but my dad said it would be better to put it off for another day, because it was pouring right now. Mom said at the time that this was proof of his extreme selfishness…

The presence of my father’s new partner was a great excuse for my mother to make me and my father angry. And unfortunately she succeeded. Dad called us many times, came to visit and tried to establish contact with me, but all in vain. Under the influence of my mother, I finally came to the opinion that I did not want to see him.

Honestly, mom has always been great at influencing others. She decided which girls I should be friends with. The friends she liked literally adored her. The ones that seemed inappropriate for me, she was afraid of and eventually stopped coming to me.

Mom had no bad intentions. She really wanted the best for me – in her opinion she was protecting me from failure. She really cared about me. She always knew where I was, who I was spending time with, and what I was up to. Nothing bad could happen to me.

I resisted her only once

For a long time I didn’t even think of defying my mother. I remember very well the first such occasion. I was in my second year of high school at the time. A friend was hosting a house party. We were all around 16 and felt like adults, so we expected to be treated as such. Unfortunately, my mom wouldn’t let me go to that party.

We had a terrible fight, I ran out of the apartment in anger and slammed the door behind me. I wandered through the city, tears streaming down my face. Luckily it was dark and no one could see that I was crying. I was composing in my head what I would say to my mother and how I would behave when I returned, that I would be resolute and explain everything to her. But I didn’t do any of that.

I didn’t go to that party because I was just scared. When my mom called me, I told her I would be home soon. “I was terribly afraid! I’m just worried about youshe said calmly when I got home.Everyone knows what goes on at those parties. This is not the place for you.“

“I understand you’re scared, but could you trust me a little more?” I asked. From then on, my mother didn’t forbid me, instead she gently guided me. She patiently explained, convinced me and showed me different options. In the end, I always chose what she thought was right. It was the same with my partner…

She finally liked a boy

I met Pavel at university. He wasn’t the first boy I brought home, but Mom didn’t like any of them. She listed their shortcomings for so long that I finally sent them to the arrow. Moreover, Pavel was not quite my type. Yes, he was handsome, but also quite arrogant. His parents were lawyers and financially well off, so Pavel thought the world was at his feet. He liked to show off his expensive car, designer clothes and money.

I have no idea why I brought him home then. I guess I just wanted to finally have peace. He kept coming after me and trying to wrap me up, but I was up to his neck. I thought mom would handle him like the other boys. It didn’t occur to me that she might like Pavel…

Before, she was usually rude to my friends, making everyone who visited me uncomfortable after a while. However, she offered Pavlov coffee and sweets. Sometimes when he came to visit, we sat together until late. And it was a really pleasant time! Problems started to appear only after I defended my diploma thesis and started thinking about a doctorate.

“Why? You should think about marriage, about children. And anyway, a career in science isn’t for you,“Mom immediately cooled my ardor. “But I dream of working at a university,“I tried to fight for my plans for the future. “think about it again” said mom. “Or better yet, discuss it with Pavel.“

They didn’t like my plans

I had a feeling, or rather I was convinced, that she had already talked to him about it. Because he kept repeating the exact same thing. They say I don’t need a doctorate and I should grow up by now because these are just children’s dreams. Finally he asked me to marry him. Mom was apparently also privy to this matter, because she was waiting for us with a celebratory dinner.

Then everything happened in a flash. Suddenly we had a wedding date set, a hall booked and Pavel was looking for a band. I agreed to it, but I didn’t give up on my plans.

“I was accepted to the doctoral program!” I informed my mother and Pavel with a smile.

“We’ve agreed that you’ll screw it up!Pavel responded aggressively.

“We agreed? Nothing like that happened.“

This started a huge argument. But for the first time in my memory, I stood up to them. If they don’t like what I want to do, if they don’t care about my troubles or my successes, then they’re out of luck…

I didn’t feel like it was my wedding

Neither my mother nor Pavel supported me. Their world only revolved around the wedding, but they decided everything without asking my opinion. I dreamed of a modest, intimate celebration, they booked a hall for 150 guests!

“How do you see it?” my mother asked me. “Consider all the aunts from our side and Paul’s relatives and friends!“

At the last minute, I remembered that I would like to invite three more friends from my studies, together with their partners. “Well, honey, you remembered too lateMom spread her arms. “We can’t add anyone anymore.“

“Did anyone even ask my opinion?“I exploded. “Are you interested in anything at all? Besides studying?” my mother put in. “Pavel takes care of everything, arranges things. You’re in luck, that boy is a sweetheart. You don’t care about anything, so we arrange it all.“

At that moment I felt that I couldn’t take it anymore. Is that supposed to be luck? So no! They decide everything without asking me. As far back as I can remember, my mother always directed me and controlled everything. She has always made decisions for me and now it seems she has found someone to replace her. I’m sick of it, of them and of the wedding!

I ran away from the lined future

When Pavel told me where we were going on our honeymoon, the cup of my patience overflowed. We were supposed to spend our honeymoon in Australia. “But right after the wedding I have important research in the lab,” I objected. “I have been striving for a scholarship for a long time and the date of these courses has been known for several weeks.“

“You knew exactly when we were planning to get marriedhe said angrily. “And you knew exactly that at that time I was giving lectures at the university and then scientific research,“I looked straight into his eyes. “But you don’t care at all. I don’t exist for you! You want an obedient puppet, not a real partner!“

“What are you talking about? I think it would be a good idea to talk to mom,he said.

“With mum? Sure, you’ve probably already discussed it all together. And you think you can control me like she does?“

“You must be crazy! Anyway, nothing will change, it cost me too much.”

“Then maybe you should go with my mom!“

“Do you really believe that someone will love you the way you are?he growled.

“Shouldn’t you be asking yourself?” I replied coldly. “I’m tired of living like a puppet!“

I left the apartment in a hurry, I didn’t take anything. I spent the night with a friend from school. The next day I withdrew all the money from the bank account I had access to, although it belonged to Pavlo. My friend is now helping me find a small apartment. This is the beginning of my new life, even though my mother and Pavel keep calling me and flooding me with messages. I don’t want to see them or talk to them.

Maybe one day, when the emotions subside, I’ll talk to them. But now I finally have to start taking control of my life, doing what I want and what I think is good for me. I want to take responsibility for myself. But first of all I want to find my father and apologize to him…

The text was prepared based on a true story, the photo is for illustration only. Do you have a similar experience? Trust us with your story, write to [email protected].