The topic of death and dying is not taboo

In one unnamed film, the line is heard: “Death is just the beginning“. Although it doesn’t seem like it, in the context of the topic of death and dying, this sentence is most true. For survivors, death does not end, but begins. The carousel of arrangements begins, but above all the process of coming to terms with the situation that a loved one has died.

Everyone has encountered death to some extent in their lives at least once. Nevertheless, every time it catches us off guard and with great pain. Even in cases where we expect it, we still wake up saying that we are not ready yet, we have so much to tell ourselves, we are not able to handle the pain, not today.

It is a difficult period for everyone, but it is easier for people who have been able to prepare for death at least partially, had the opportunity to say goodbye or resolve some things from the past. It is also easier for people who were able to talk about death and dying to deal with it.

The topic of dying and death is still taboo for most people. Something that is not talked about so as not to call something. Or it is just such a sensitive and painful topic that we prefer to suppress it. But the fear of death is still there somewhere. As long as we are not reconciled with it, somewhere deep in the subconscious it is simply there. We usually only talk about death when someone is already seriously ill and death is approaching. Sometimes not even that.

The worst thing about sickness, old age and dying is not the condition itself, but when no one talks to you about it, everyone avoids such a conversation and you are left all alone.

I worked in a nursing home where death was a normal part of life. You can’t imagine how grateful some of the residents were to have someone talk to them about dying, about the pain and fear of death. Sometimes they even waited for death as liberation. The family didn’t talk to them about it, they didn’t want to burden them with it and, of course, they didn’t want to confide in anything. The mother did not want to tell her daughter that she was looking forward to death, “when she meets her husband again.” Another client told how she survived the war only by lying under a dead body and faking her own death. These are things that you absolutely do not want to confide in your loved ones.

Sometimes an independent person helps more than a close one. Still, it is imperative to show your loved ones that they can talk to us about death. It’s good to know that they want and need to share with someone. They also need to know that you won’t get mad at them if they don’t want to talk to you about it. But you can let them know you’re there for them or help them find someone independent to talk to them on your behalf. It can be a caregiver who comes to you, a psychotherapist, a clergyman or even a volunteer.

Talking about death can be very difficult, especially if no one has ever talked about it with you and it was taboo in your family. The basic rule is not to be afraid to use the words dying and death. No other word can fully replace it. But before you start talking about death, first create a safe and comfortable place where you will not be disturbed and where you both feel comfortable.

Before the interview itself, you must definitely be prepared for a flood of emotions – sadness, crying, but maybe also anger or joy and gratitude that someone is willing to talk to him.

Fully respect all these emotions and, above all, give them enough space to process them. The ideal is to just be with the person and their emotions, sit and wait for the person to start talking on their own. Depending on the situation and the degree of your relationship and closeness, you can hold his hand, hug him or simply sit and wait for his reaction. Definitely do not rush, do not insist and respect his wishes. It is up to him whether he wants to talk to you about death.

You must be wondering how to start the conversation. Unfortunately, there is no universal advice for this, because everyone is different and the reactions will also be different. I can only give a few tips to start the conversation. You can then choose from them or choose your own method. Anyway, you don’t have to force yourself into anything.

You can prepare an opening sentence, but then let the conversation flow freely. When talking about death, it depends on who it is. If this person is already dying, you can start the conversation with, for example, how they feel, if something is bothering them, if they are afraid of death, if they need to settle something with someone, how they would evaluate their life and what they would like to accomplish.

If you are talking to someone who is not dying, but you feel that they would like to talk about death and have no one to talk to, you can use one of these questions “If you had a month left to live, what would you still want to accomplish??”, “What do you think happens after death??”, “KWhen was it possible to know the exact date of death, would you like to know it?”, “Why are people so afraid of death?”, “Would you give your life for something?”, “What would the world look like if no one died?”, “If they invented a cure for dying, would you like to live forever?’ or “Have you ever wondered why people die?’. You may now be thinking of other questions that you have asked yourself throughout your life. Perhaps these will be the most suitable for you.

When you can talk to people who are already dying, it will be easier for you to talk to anyone. Children, in particular, need us to give them age-appropriate information so that the subject of death is no longer taboo. Interviews with children are important for their development and overall for changing the approach to the topic of death in society. Where else to start than with yourself and then with the little ones.

It’s easier than you think. Children are inquisitive and sooner or later they will ask themselves. Definitely avoid answers like “nand you’re still young”, “you have time for that” or even lying that the ant he stepped on will come back to life. Again, not a one-size-fits-all manual, but in general, the sooner you start, the better. The right opportunity will surely present itself, you won’t even know how. However, it is good to think about the answers at least a little.

I will never forget how a boy of about six years old cried in front of me that he never wanted to die and he didn’t want anyone else to die either. That’s when I fully realized how important it is to talk about death. At first I was completely taken aback and didn’t know what to say. Somehow I managed it. I had to, but now I know it’s better to be prepared.

It worked for me not to hide anything and to talk about death in a way that a child can understand. And above all, it is very important that he has an idea about this topic before he meets the death of someone close to him. Of course, sometimes it’s not possible, but if it is, don’t hesitate to do it. And above all, dose the information in parts and age-appropriately.

I hope that I have brought the subject at least a little closer to you, so that you have an idea of ​​how to talk about death. Above all, I believe that I have given you some courage. Don’t rush yourself, let it sink in and see if you’re ready in time.

You yourself can think about your finitude and start living life as if every day is your last. Do you have a problem with someone? Work it out. Want to tell someone you love them? Say it. Did you want to try or experience something and didn’t get around to it? Do it. Have you stopped communicating with someone and regret it? Restore contact.

Don’t wait for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, a week or even a year from now. Don’t put it off and do it now because what if there is no tomorrow, day after, week or year. What if you or someone else isn’t here tomorrow? You’ll never get another chance, take it while there’s still time. And above all, enjoy life, because you don’t have to be here tomorrow.